Yeah. We're veering into some serious territory here, my friends. And I'm sorry, but I think this has to be said, especially in the light of all these frat incidents and...yeah.
Whilst procrastinating on the internet the other day, I came across a quote by Kurt Cobain: “Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth and it happens every few minutes. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.”
(I'm not sure he did say it, but it sounds like something he'd say, and I'm too lazy to check.)
The comment section, unsurprisingly, was a scary place.
"they already know it's a crime, telling them to stop that isn't going to work."
"what about teaching women to be more careful?"
And on and on. You know, typical internet comment faire. There were worse ones, but I'm not putting those. (I was glad to see that the really asshole-ish ones were downvoted. It's something.)
First of all, I don't think he meant to teach men not to rape AS A SINGLE MEASURE. Think about it. When you're sick, you do multiple things to get better. You rest. You eat healthy. You drink lots of fluids. Sometimes you go and get meds. You don't do one of these things alone, you do them together. This should be the same way. Teach them, but don't put yourself unnecessarily in harm's way. Be careful getting blackout drunk at a party, for instance. It's sad, but there are creeps out there who think that if someone's passed out, that that's consent. (And yes, I know women can rape, too. Cracked.com, of all places, had a great article on that. If you can find it, definitely give it a read.)
BUT we really aren't teaching men not to rape. We tell them it's wrong, the same way we tell kids that kicking their friend in the shins is wrong. But we don't really show them that it's wrong.
Don't believe me? I have proof. Well, I have a personal anecdote, and there's others all over the place.
My next-door neighbor is a rapist. He spent twenty years (give or take) in prison for breaking into a woman's house and assaulting her. (So there goes the 'she was asking for it' excuse people seem to like. Because, you know, she was in her own house and all.)
It gets better. Apparently there are 'levels' of sex offender. The ones that won't reoffend, the ones that might, and the ones that will. Guess which one he is?
That's right. Will. The guy has been deemed to be a danger to society. The logical thing to do would be to keep said danger locked away. Serial killers stay in jail. Spree killers stay in jail, if they don't die before they get there. Dangers to society stay away from society.
But not this one, because-for whatever reason-rape is not serious enough to be a 'real' danger.
This guy used to try to come over when my dad wasn't home. He tried to get my mum and I to go inside his house. Crime aside, RED FLAG. What kind of ordinary person does that? I'm sure he'd have tried to come in by now, but we finally bit it and got two big dogs. The visits ceased immediately. Guess he doesn't want to be friends with the monsters. :p
Anyway. What does that tell our boys? I don't think it tells them that rape is wrong, because this guy's out. We need to show them that it's wrong, and that means keeping 'dangers to society' locked away.
That is all. Sorry for the serious topic, but it needed to happen.