Thursday, March 19, 2015

"Put Some Meat on Your Bones!"

I'll admit it. I've probably been referred to as a 'skinny bitch' behind my back. I'm little, I know. It's not my fault, my parents are small, too. I prefer fruits to hamburgers (but put a plate of bacon down and all bets are off).

So I'll put up with the above phrase from well-meaning family members. It's annoying, but it doesn't veer into 'worth family discord' territory. A quick distraction with the appetizer table and I can hide until they find someone else to bother. Strangers, on the other hand...

Seriously. I was in line at the bank yesterday, minding my own business, when some old guy gets in line behind me. But he can't just be in line, he has to chat. And today he has decided that his opinion about me is important.

'Heh-heh, you need to put some meat on those bones! Corned beef 'n cabbage or somethin'!' *invades personal space, hand reaching out to cup bony shoulder to make point* 'You ever eat?'

Luckily for him, I was rescued by the teller. (Thank you!) Really, though, what the hell? First of all, I don't go around saying, 'wow, you need to take some meat off those bones!' *pats stranger's stomach* 'you sleep-eat or somethin'?' Second of all, I have been-last week, in fact-mistaken for twelve. Which is fine, but what if he thought I was twelve? Who friggin' says that to a twelve year-old? And then tries to grab them? Creepy.

I think the next time this happens, I'll scream and starting announcing, 'Mommy told me never to talk to strangers! Bad man!' Only kidding...maybe.


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